Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I want to first say that today I feel really good.
Yesterday was another story...
Late afternoon yesterday I found myself with jar full of egg yolks I didn't want to waste, and I thought what anyone would think when they are faced with a stock of undestined yolks...FLAN! I'll make a flan and give it to someone (because flan is not PCP friendly). So that's exactly what happened, I made a flan, and then I had a delicious looking flan chillin' on my microwave. But it was a mean spirited flan, It made fun of me for not eating it and I started to feel frustrated.
Part of my love for food is enjoying the community it brings. I'm used to dates at restaurants, having a couple drinks with my friends, eating with family , and attending dinner parties. For the last week I've been eating alone and I was starting to feel it. Why would I want to do something that separated me from the things I love? I want to eat delicious fat and sugar filled foods, taste rich cheeses and drink salty margaritas like everybody else.
Actually I don't want those things, well, maybe occasionally but not regularly like I have been. What I really want is to be healthy, to consciously challenge myself to do something that I know is best for me. Yesterday 3 months never seemed so far away, but today is just today, not day 13 of 90, just a Tuesday that I am choosing to eat consciously and not impulsively. Today it clicked.
I did eat a bite of that jerk flan, but I'm coming clean about it and moving on, and the silver lining is my favorite new idea.... PCP dinner party!